To quote my teammate "This shit ain't easy."
Yes, I knew this would be a challenge. My fundraising goal is $6,000, I have workouts 6 days (or more) a week, a full time job with regular hours, and a desire to keep some resemblance of a social life... I'm kind of failing at all of it. Actually failing is a harsh word. I'm $4,364 in, which blows my mind because this time last year I barely made it to $3000. Thank goodness for self addressed envelopes in the yearly Xmas newsletter. I am trying to keep up with the workouts. Each time I miss one it's like doom, I feel like I'm prescribing disaster for myself with each day that I'm "too tired" or planned my day poorly. Which I am, which is also a prescription for fear and anxiety. I guess this is the part I'm failing the most at. And the social life? I see my ex regularly, yes ex, nothing is going on there. Just someone I don't have to hide anything from. My whiny baby pathetic self can come out when she's around and I don't have to pretend I'm strong, funny, intelligent or what have you - though it sometimes drives her crazy she still puts up with it. But we aren't here to talk about my dysfunction, at least not in this aspect of my life. Where were we? Social life, this past weekend was probably one of the first weekends where I felt I balanced friendships with training pretty well. I guess 3 weeks without a cell phone kicked me into gear to reach out and see non-triathletes for a change.
So ok, I'm not failing but I don't quite feel like I'm kicking ass and my races are coming closer and closer. This also came yesterday.
Cue pounding heart and sweaty palms. It's coming. It's a ways away but it'll come.
So maybe it's time to kick my own ass all the way to kicking ass.
Can I share one encouraging thing? Not only are the workouts getting longer and I'm completing them (60mi ride on Saturday and 12-13mi run on Sunday, pretty much a half Ironman for the last two weekends) but I can notice physical changes. It's not the changes that I really want like a decrease in muffin top but it's... my thighs. I've never loved my thighs so much in my life. They're firming up quite nicely with a thinning layer of fat, even the inner side! So when I need a lil bit of convincing that I'm progressing I just give them a squeeze. Never doubt the motivational power of muscle definition.
My happy dance (after finishing 13mi in the rain)
It's a Phantogram type of week.
